Why Not Me?

There is always that temptation to scream out, "Why me?" in our darkest hours. Robert, my late husband, would always say, "Why not me? What makes me so special that I should not have to go through trials and problems?" Job was his favorite Old Testament book. Through many painful events, a house fire, a father's death, the death of 2 siblings, a child's illness, and even his diagnosis of stage 4 bladder cancer, Robert never seemed to ask why me? Sometimes he would ask, "Why did I?" but I never heard him ask in 30 years of marriage, "Why me?"

Today as I sat in church, the pastor taught on John 11. When he asked, "Why Not Me?" I automatically cried, thinking of Robert and my struggle to always ask, "Why not me?" Asking "Why me?" or "Why not me?" often determines your attitude as the storm rises and the devil attacks. You have seen people that everything around them is crumbling, yet they smile and see hope. It is because they ask, "Why not me?" They search for their strength in something more substantial than self-love, medication, or the world for answers. They lean and trust that God will turn disaster, pain, and suffering into something beautiful. Please don't think it is always easy to have the "Why not" attitude. If you struggle with always having the right attitude, you are not alone.

I would love to say I never asked why me. Like all humans, I have my weak moments. I would love to pretend that I leaned on God first and fast when we got Robert's diagnoses. I didn't lean on God first. As the doctor sat telling me what my future looked like, my first question was Why me? "Why am I going to be a widow at 52? How can I do this? Why me? Why me? Why me? O, Lord, Why me? I cried out to him, and he answered with the softest reminder, that I was not alone."

Psalm 23:4. KJV

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff thy comfort me.

I had to learn to trust in God and that I could cry out to Him. That I could lean on Him. I had to learn to trust Him 100% even when it looked like He was late coming to my rescue.

John 11:21 NIV

"Lord," Martha said to Jesus, "if you had been here, my brother would not have died."

He always comes on His time, and His time is always right on time. I realized during the sermon that I am not alone in my struggle. You are not alone in your struggle. But what happens when we ask why not me, trust in God's timing and lean on Jesus first? Our life changes because our attitude changes. We learn we don't have to be strong.

When I cried out to him, I could have asked, "Why did you not come before?" In that small hospital room before we got the diagnoses, God was always there. Robert and I felt him and trusted in Him. Sometimes trusting his is trusting that our reward might be before we think we are ready, and sometimes it means that one of us might be on our knees shouting up to God, either Why me or Why not me. Sometimes trusting is easy, and sometimes it is hard. But when we trust, we remember Psalm 23:4, and we know we can walk through the storms. We learn we can give purpose to our pain. We find safety in the worst storms.

Will everything be okay? I know we always want to say it will be okay, but perhaps I won't be okay in this world. Things might get worse, and the devil might attack me while he thinks I am weak. But behind me stands a mighty savior. I am the daughter of the King, and with that knowledge comes strength. I trust that whatever storm rocks my boat, God is my savior. Every day I learn more and more to trust in the Father and lean not on my own understanding. Every day I know to find joy, happiness, and faith in each challenge. Every day I fall, then I get back up because I've learned to lean heavily on God. Every day no matter the storm, I am blessed.

Proverbs 3:5,6 KJV

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

Reading

John 11

Psalm 23

Job

John 11:35

Proverbs 3:5.6